sour mixer [13 Mar 2008|11:27pm] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | Lost Season 2, Episode The Hunting Party ] I've been drinking Jenny Payne Joyce's Poland Spring Vodka out of a diet Snapple kind of bottle, mixed with some Sour Mixer i bought today at the Super Market. Now I'm still watching LOST and it could not be better! I really want to watch the whole thing, over and over and over again! to be honest it is quite exhiting. I do really wish I had something better to do! love a fish

im drinking this weird drnk [13 Mar 2008|08:46pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | LOST - Season 2, What Kate Did, We Found A Book ] im back at for home spring break 2008, and for the first time im drinking a hardcore drink for no reason sitting in my kitchen, watching LOST on television - trying to find pictures of pip - you see the great thing about journals that are online and not remembered is that you still get the same thrill of ''putting yourself out there'' while i get to be anonymous and still assume people are secretly reading about my life - what a paraox im comfortable with. im moving into boston soon, very stoked - i havent stopped saying stoked since i met this kid i used to know. love a fish

improvs [12 Sep 2006|10:42pm] i can't shake off this feeling from the improvs. its hurts, and i can still feel it 1 fish|love a fish

screenplays [29 Aug 2006|05:51pm] [ music | Somebody Told Me-The Killers-Hot Fuss ] ive been reading my aunts scripts all the time. last night i read ''1031'' which was great. and now im on this one callled ''The Method'' its like matilda meets the craft, its good. bad story telling, good story. i know i need to learn to meditate on letting go on what i am about to describe, but whenever my brother talks he says something senseless and stupid. everytime i hear his voice from the other rooms (he has a loud opinion about things) i get this mix of annoyance and pity. oh, then when he walks around in his clunky big black ''i wish i was a sick ass skater boy" shoes, and i can feel his constant anxiety and annoyance over trivial ephermeralities. i feel annoyed, and then i try to let go, and he makes noise (possibly towards, to, or at me) and i just close my eyes and feel this terrible waves of pain, but i do not physically express it bc doing so would only encourage him to make more noise, (i call it noise, bc talking to me or another person indicates communication, my brother is incapable of such things) so i keep it all inside, in my head and close my eyes, and breathe in and out. i try not to breathe too loud bc his 14 year old insecurity will turn into anger towards me bc he assumes that i am breathing loudly yet stealthly with the intention of him hearing me and will get angry and make noise bc he would think i am trying to annoy him, and if i remain calm to his noise, he will think i am making fun of him bc he would assume he was right in his accusation, and therefore, he must tell me he was right, and he would want me to accept and acknowledge that he is right. so i try to breathe in as quietly as possble, and then i open my eyes to feel my entire body and then realize the moment (where i am, what i was doing, etc.) and hope to continue in my peaceful being. and thus concludes a small portion of my brother's personality analysis. love a fish

pictures from the phone [28 Aug 2006|02:33am] [ music | Somebody Told Me-The Killers-Hot Fuss ] ( pictures from my new phone ) ive been high most of today, check out my eyes in those pictures. you cant really tell, when you look really closely, where my eyes and pupils differ. hmm...lighting effect? maybe. maybe not. who knows? (steve: waldo know..!) ( andrew: WHERE'S WALDO) okay but i did actually get a new phone so can people put their info in comments and shit? im no going to demand it, for self-esteem reasons, but if you read this, pleaseee do it....if you're cool and i know you. 2 fishs|love a fish

so fast so quick [28 Aug 2006|01:29am] [ music | Where is the Love-Black Eyed Peas Feat. Justin T-Where is th ] okay, so from the hours 2:30PM to about 1:22AM, (right now) i have been on dexadrine and furiously reading Siddhartha and The Pleasure of my Company- both books are actually amazing and fun to read. i have actually been reading for the majority of today (and it comforts me to know the only way i can be motivated to learn is through externally chemicals whose job is to force disbalance and altered perception) and it has been a good time. i went to borders and found the Sidd and then read two or three chapters, then looked for the Steve Martin book, found it, found out i didnt have the money to buy it. got sad...found about $2.39 in my car, and then bought the Steve Martin book. so then i went to the Java hut and read Sidd for a solid hour and a half or maybe even two hours. then i came home, did the meet'n'greet with the family who is now here (aunt and cousin, nancy and eden). then i kept reading until about 10:30, took a gay break till about 11:45 and then started from then till about 1:15AM at which point i engaged in good conversation with my aunt about the movie business. she has the Legally blonde: the musical script, her client is the writer, and she has about 10 more, so i get to read all of them! woo hoo! and when nancy likes something, means its GOOD. so im fucking pumped. but for now, im going to NOT sleep. EDIT slash ADDITION: i love the french, i love misperceptions of emotions, i love/dont boys, i enjoy judgement, but i dont love people who make shoulder monkeys...you know...ones that suck your blood and wont leave. even though vampires dont exist. wait...so why would someone make a vampire monkey if they dont exist? a) they lie to themselves or b) they're insecure

secrets [27 Aug 2006|07:15pm] i started readin Siddhartha, its really good. it reminds me of myself and a select few. its really interesting how its described, bc thats kind of how i feel a lot of the time...funny. im halfway done, just got it today, and i bought the steve martin book "the pleasure of my company" which i cant wait to read bc i simply love steve martin. now im watching mtv music videos. im alone, cept for my sleeping cousin upstairs, at the house with nothing to do but livejournal and reading. which i am glad for. that made no sense? i love fergie, i love poseidon and i love my rainbow scarf oh, and HOLLA TO SIDDHARTHA. 2 fishs|love a fish

[27 Aug 2006|02:28am] love a fish

scary [27 Aug 2006|12:14am] that feeling is scary, the one where you realize that college and school is happening and you try to fight for it. love a fish

mix 985 [25 Aug 2006|03:10pm] i called in mix 98.5 and told them it was my birthday today. and i won $100 and i got to make fun of Fergie for looking like a trannie. holler back girl? love a fish

pictures on google [24 Aug 2006|08:15pm] ( from google fun picture time ) love a fish

shitt [24 Aug 2006|12:54pm] apparently your supposed to switch the journal back when you post outside of yours for one time. today i have a new bong and no school books, i want to drive to school, and check out my schedule and get my books, and i cannot wait. let me check out my situation, BABY. ps, fuck you: random live journal person. hahahaaa love a fish

times times times [20 Aug 2006|05:56am] so we came back form the little cape cod adventure a day early: thanks god. i love all of you, everyone who reads my journal and feels for me, i do the same for you at all times. so just know, your compassion is never overlooked. i feel dizzy, safely, and very motivated. love a fish

writing [19 Aug 2006|06:34pm] i need a livejournal favor: apparently im a good writer but not a good creator. can everyone think of a well thought out plot or whatever you want and comment it for me so i can try to write a screenplay of some sort from scratch. the winner will get a writing credit and if it is plausable, we can make the movie. oh and did i mention im going to start a Film Making Club in Worcester Academy, and by the end of the year we can have a full-length feature film or a lot of short films. whose in? 3 fishs|love a fish

words on love [19 Aug 2006|02:13pm] falling in love this summer was not intended, completly. and doing so was a great thing for me and the intended lover. there is this hard draining pain deep in my mind and body, specifically my chest area. and every time i think about the boy with no name i feel the pain that i have been running from for the longest time, possibly my entire life. he taught me a way to tie knots in my mind and subconcious and trick myself into not feeling pain, and it works, but it doesn't work forever. there will come a time when things take a nasty turn, and bad and horrible turn. the longest time i have been loathing this departing pain, and i know he reads this journal every now and then for a quick insiders look to what i am up to, he does not feel pain like me, he does not choke on his boater's knots like me. thats the difference between me and the boy with no name (PHIL) this school year is going to be remarkably different and most certainly painful. at the begining of the summer i said goodbye to something i did love, a small love whose existance was missing fruition. makes no sense, but doesnt need to. this summer things have been intense, amazing and charming. but the clincher is that i am going to be the lonliest i have ever been this school year. with no amazing amounts of friends and solely simple people who make no difference to me whatsoever. there will and can only be room for those people who i befriend who i know are worth nothing to me but a simple amount of elevator chatter and conversation. there's not much left for me but the company of good friends and occasional drug cocktails. love a fish

drinking [17 Aug 2006|06:00pm] how do you expect to haul my lazy ass to the cape and now anticipate the fact that i am going to be drunk, stoned, high or tripping? guess. love a fish

mushrooms [16 Aug 2006|03:49am] [ music | mushrooms - pun intended ] tonight im back at home and clearly making my ways back into livejournal. i took a lot of shrooms about two hours ago and tonight seems like its going to be a fun night. my friend matt is coming over and we're gonna just trip out for a while. but if your awakre give us a callll. love a fish

half baked [15 Aug 2006|07:48pm] the delema whether to push my parents to letting me say my final goodbye to phillip del moral is coming to an end. i fell in love this summer in the most magical place imaginable. imagine a place, an island, that was so beautiful that every time you ventured to it, you're mystified and foreced to a mental place that is beyond incomprehensible. going there, the sun, the heat, the movies, the cobblestone, the legends, the whales, the beaches, the boys, the girls, and love, the busses, the new england apitimy quality. everything is so new england and at the same time, it is so other worldly. so, i fell in love with a man from nantucket, to be specific a Phillip del Moral, and the whole time i would see him it would be in awkward amounts of time at a time, and every time we hung out, it was incredible, sweat, and unreal. the whole time we would be together, there would be a charming banter of conversation about nothing, or embarissment or fun flirtations. he helped me see the strange and embarrissing things about me that i subconciously knew were there but never acknowledged. on top of helping me realize the wrongs in my personality, he helped me see them and embrace them, it was amazing and nothing can change the amazing the feelings that happened to me. he pretty much changed my life and perception of myself, or more stregthened and emhanced my self perception. i am in love with phillip and the one thing i actually want to do right now is tell my parents how much it means to me to say good-bye to him on friday. as opposed to helping my parents travel and tour the cape islands. i dont really want to be around islands that are less amazing than nantucket, b/c i dont i know that the only thing that will be on my mind the entire time is phillip del moral and how easily i could have ditched the family to go see him, but how hard it was for my parents to admit that it would have been simple and how much im going to think about him and how much im going to miss him and how much i didnt get to say goodbye. if i do not get to say good bye i will not be able to get the cliched ''closure'' and i will not be able to let go of phillip del moral and i will not be able to officially let go of this summer and all of the magical things, friends and events from this summer and i love him soo much. between phillip del moral, movie camp at BU, and the college revolution and the magical theme of summer and summer love (the cherry on top) i really need to close the log book and say good bye to all of the freidns that graduated and all of the changes that are going to be happenning soon, this summer has changed me and all of the things this summer have been the yellow brick road to this new year, where i am a senior, which means that all things are wrongs: the days where cats and dogs are living together and gay marriage is national legal and smoking pot is convenient indoors and it is legal. youu know, total chaos. all i need to do is say good-bye to this summer and this summer love. love a fish

[08 Aug 2006|11:04pm] tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppsy love a fish

boston [07 Aug 2006|03:28am] just made a kind of long post and it got deleted...sweet...i guess this is all you guys get. long story short, i am now in Studio, wrote a screenplay and am tired. but i have a lot of fun hanging out around boston with my two best friends, Gia and Tori. live it love it learn it. love a fish

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